It is unethical to have a conversation about sex magick without including the conversation about safety. Although many people may feel sexual safety is self-explanatory, the lack of comprehensive sex education and the taboo nature of sex as a conversation in the home has led to a stark rate of STD transmission and unwanted pregnancies. There are many different layers to sex safety and it is far from one size fits all. I am going to be as clear and concise as I can be in this discussion, but I am not a medical professional (although I do one day hope to become a sex therapist and educator).
Consent
When Sexual Assault rates are what they are, I can not even begin to discuss sex in any context without a conversation on consent. “No Means No” is far too nuanced and leaves plenty of topics out of the discussion that is better included. All forms of sex require adequate consent before and during. While sex magick rituals require lots of focus on your energy and energy usage, you must remember not to prioritize your workings over your sexual partner(s). Everyone should feel safe and comfortable. Consent means consistent consent throughout sex, but also your partner(s) must consent to your using your sexual experiences or magickal purposes, if they do not than their consent was not informed consent.
Questions:
- Are you comfortable with everything we’re about to do?
- Is there anything that is making you anxious?
- Do you have any bodily signals that I should look out for?
- Are there any triggers I should be aware of?
Contraception
I don’t recall where I heard this messed up tale, but contraception does not weaken sex magick. The power of sex magick lies in the energy that is released during the climax. Contraception is a key part of safety, and there is no reason to remove it from play because you believe the spell is more “powerful” or “natural” without it. Obviously, contraception is up to you and your partner(s), but I don’t want practitioners to feel they need to avoid it completely.
Boundaries
All safe sex requires pre-sex talk where the parties involve address their limits, their hard limits, safe words, and boundaries. For sex magick, you should go over both your sexual boundaries and your metaphysical ones.
Point of Discussion:
- What acts are you comfortable/uncomfortable with?
- Establishing a safe word, or safe signals.
- Discussing the point of the ritual and how it is meant to work.
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